Sunday, July 13, 2008
pangs of disappointment
"yichun why don't you apply overseas to study with your results you should!!!"
but my family couldn't afford it without a scholarship.
I suddenly feel pangs of disappointment while viewing pictures of my fellow peers receiving scholarships for their future studies. sigh. while mine... seems so uncertain. probably next year would be better. but i just cannot perform during interviews. argh i am a hazard to myself. seriously my demeanor, the way i speak, my stature, my style of life... are all not totally scholistic "material". leadership? not that i display a lot but education keeps teaching us how to be a "leader". did not join a lot of activities in school back then and reflecting back... i was too embarrassed to be a leader. me and "leader" juxtaposed incompatibility. i have my own ideas, my own thoughts on how things should be done... but never a leader.
ok this sounds too depressing to be continued. night.
but my family couldn't afford it without a scholarship.
I suddenly feel pangs of disappointment while viewing pictures of my fellow peers receiving scholarships for their future studies. sigh. while mine... seems so uncertain. probably next year would be better. but i just cannot perform during interviews. argh i am a hazard to myself. seriously my demeanor, the way i speak, my stature, my style of life... are all not totally scholistic "material". leadership? not that i display a lot but education keeps teaching us how to be a "leader". did not join a lot of activities in school back then and reflecting back... i was too embarrassed to be a leader. me and "leader" juxtaposed incompatibility. i have my own ideas, my own thoughts on how things should be done... but never a leader.
ok this sounds too depressing to be continued. night.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
iamsoboredsoiupdatemyblog
hello been a while since i update this blog that seems to tarnish in the blogosphere.
first time being the duty clerk yesterday. wasn't very smooth sailing i guess with me pissing the MP off in the morning because i signed on the key registry book wrongly THRICE. in addition, i went to mindef a bit tad early so the newspapers wasn't ready for collection. i entered the building and five minutes later the newspaper delivery man arrived so basically i entered the gantry and walked to the other entrance exited the gantry to collect keys enter the gantry from that entrance and exit from the other entrance to collect newspaper and enter the gantry from that entrance again. okay sounds complicated right LOL. the next hurdle was finding the light switch in AMD. spent like 5 minutes groping in the darkness for the light switch which turned out to be illogically deep inside the corridor (which means that one had to walk in the darkness anyway before he or she can turn on the lights) before calling dear andrea for help. wow the things i do amaze me sometimes on hindsight.
mr lim asked me to help him to write appraisals for some DSTA personnel to appeal for their promotion. qutie hilarious because i am making up stories for strangers and worrying because i realised my english has gone from bad to worst.
ok i seriously need to restructure the way i spend my time... and get a life! lol.
i feel so aimless like a reckless driver who doesn't know where to go. ok maybe not a reckless driver cause i put in my best in whatever comes my way... but i truly have no ultimate goal in life. until now i am still unsure of what course to take and what career path to choose sigh. the fact that all my scholarship applications went down the drain owing to my lack of confidence and interviewing skills doesn't help.
first time being the duty clerk yesterday. wasn't very smooth sailing i guess with me pissing the MP off in the morning because i signed on the key registry book wrongly THRICE. in addition, i went to mindef a bit tad early so the newspapers wasn't ready for collection. i entered the building and five minutes later the newspaper delivery man arrived so basically i entered the gantry and walked to the other entrance exited the gantry to collect keys enter the gantry from that entrance and exit from the other entrance to collect newspaper and enter the gantry from that entrance again. okay sounds complicated right LOL. the next hurdle was finding the light switch in AMD. spent like 5 minutes groping in the darkness for the light switch which turned out to be illogically deep inside the corridor (which means that one had to walk in the darkness anyway before he or she can turn on the lights) before calling dear andrea for help. wow the things i do amaze me sometimes on hindsight.
mr lim asked me to help him to write appraisals for some DSTA personnel to appeal for their promotion. qutie hilarious because i am making up stories for strangers and worrying because i realised my english has gone from bad to worst.
ok i seriously need to restructure the way i spend my time... and get a life! lol.
i feel so aimless like a reckless driver who doesn't know where to go. ok maybe not a reckless driver cause i put in my best in whatever comes my way... but i truly have no ultimate goal in life. until now i am still unsure of what course to take and what career path to choose sigh. the fact that all my scholarship applications went down the drain owing to my lack of confidence and interviewing skills doesn't help.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
